Ask Autocomplete

When I was writing that last blog post about crying and reading, I went to Google and started typing in, “why do we cry when we read?” But before I had gotten past “Why,” Google gave me a drop-down menu of questions that might be on my mind.

why do cats purr?

why is the sky blue?

why is my poop green?

why am I still single?

O autocomplete, how I love you! Google claims  it’s not trying to write poetry. Well, actually, its explanation of how autocomplete works doesn’t even raise the possibility. Ask how autocomplete works, and it tells you about algorithms and other users’ search activities.

But I’m not the first person to catch on to this secret.  Search for autocomplete poetry, and you’ll find more examples.

I decided to see what sort of poetry other open questions would produce. (I didn’t find out until later that someone else had already done exactly that)

Like other forms of poetry, autocomplete poetry reveals something about the world. It reveals a world of lonely people searching for answers

about the elusiveness of fame and fortune

where is my refund

where is Chuck Norris

and how we act the way we do

why would you work for

why would you buy me that

why would you wear shorts in winter

Ask when, and your period is likely to be late

when can you get pregnant

when can I take a pregnancy test

when can babies see

when can babies eat eggs

when can I take a pregnancy test

when can I get pregnant

when can I file my taxes

when can I claim head of household

when would a servicing liability be recognized

when would I be due

when would my due date be

when would implantation bleeding occur

when do you ovulate

when does the time change

when does the narwhale bacon*

when do babies start teething

*at midnight, fyi

But if you follow the when with did, you’re probably doing you homework

when did the titanic sink

when didHawaii become a state

when did slavery end

when did Shirley Temple die

Where do is associated with animals, for some reason

where do fruit flies come from

where do penguins live

where do polar bears live

where do bed bugs come from

A single word can make a world of difference.

Why do suggests alientation

why do Indians smell

why do dogs eat poop

why do cats purr

why do men cheat

while why do I evokes personal shame

Why do I sleep so much

Why do I fart so much

Why do I sweat so much

In why do they, the they turn out to be the arbiters of language

why do they call it the clap

why do they call it black friday

why do they call it the birds and the bees

why do they call coffee joe

Why does makes human connections

why does she hate me

why does she like me

why does she love me

why does he do that

why does he like me

why does he ignore me

While why won’t targets technology

why won’t my kindle fire turn on

why won’t pinterest invite me

why won’t my itunes open

why won’t my ipod synch

My favorite? How big. 

how big is an acre

how big is the universe

how big isrhode island

how big is a cord of wood

Could have been written by William Carlos Williams.

Tags: , , ,

3 Responses to “Ask Autocomplete”

  1. Linda P. Epstein Says:

    Could have been a princess
    Could have been the champagne
    Could have been me

  2. Ruth Horowitz Says:

    But wait! There’s more! Just found out my husband collected a bunch of these for me after I went to bed last night:

    why am I
    why am I still single
    why am I so tired
    why am I always cold
    why am I always tired

    am I
    am I pregnant
    am I pregnant quiz
    am I gay
    am I in love

    why are
    why are manhole covers round
    why are flamingos pink
    why are yawns contagious
    why are estuaries important

    is it possible
    is it possible to never poop
    is it possible to die in a dream
    is it possible to live forever
    is it possible to slow senescence

    is santa real
    is pneumonia contagious
    is Daniel tosh gay
    is Anderson cooper gay

    can one
    can one person make a difference
    can one life to live be saved
    can one spouse file bankruptcy
    can one lose their salvation

    can someone
    can someone be allergic to water
    can someone give me an amen
    can someone claim me as a dependent
    can someone die of a broken heart

    can a
    can a wii play dvds
    can a felon get a passport
    can a pregnancy test be wrong
    can a tampon get lost

    can a woman
    can a woman take Viagra
    can a woman be allergic to sperm
    can a woman be a navy seal
    can a woman be knighted

    Thanks, David!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: